Holiday gatherings have a way of putting everyone in the same house without necessarily giving them much to do together. Your children head toward the cousins, the adults settle into their own conversations, and your parent with dementia could end up sitting on the edge of all that activity even though the day is supposed to be about being together.
You don’t need to keep everyone in one room or plan an afternoon of organized family bonding. You just need a few simple dementia-friendly holiday actives that can involve everyone. Think about a few natural points during the day when your parent and children could cross paths. The best opportunities are often hiding inside things you were already going to do.
Put the kids in charge of something Grandma can join.
Children hear plenty of instructions during family gatherings. Sit here. Don’t touch that. Go say hello to Grandma. Wash your hands. No, you cannot have another cookie yet.
Try giving them some authority instead. Ask your child to choose three songs to play for Grandma, decide which cookies they’ll decorate together, or pick out a few ornaments for her to hang. An older child could set up a simple activity or bring over something they want to show her.
This changes the interaction in a useful way. Your child has a purpose, and Grandma doesn’t have to initiate conversation or figure out what she’s supposed to be doing. They have a starting point, which is often all they need.
Use holiday preparations as activities.
Before you buy craft supplies or search online for dementia activities, look around your house. There’s probably plenty to do already.
Your parent and grandchild could put bows on packages, arrange cookies on a tray, fold napkins, sort greeting cards, or place decorations around the room. If your parent has always enjoyed helping in the kitchen, find a familiar task that still works for them and let a grandchild help.
Give your children permission to respond naturally.
Kids sometimes become self-conscious around dementia because adults have warned them so thoroughly about what not to do. They’re afraid they’ll say the wrong thing, correct Grandma when they shouldn’t, or accidentally upset her. Prepare them, but don’t hand them a script.
Explain that Grandma’s dementia makes some things harder for her now. She may forget a name, repeat a story, or say something that doesn’t quite make sense. Your child doesn’t have to fix every mistake. They can answer the repeated question, continue with what they were doing, or come get you if they aren’t sure how to respond.
If Grandma says something funny and everyone laughs together, that’s fine too. Dementia doesn’t require children to become solemn whenever their grandparent enters the room.
Make room for things that don’t require remembering.
It’s easy to build interactions around memory without realizing you’re doing it. Holiday gatherings are full of “Remember when...?” conversations, old photographs, familiar decorations, and stories from previous years.
Your parent doesn’t need to remember the past to participate in the present.
Instead of asking, “Grandma, do you remember making these cookies with us?” try, “Grandma, these are the cookies we always make. Want to help us decorate some?” Rather than asking her to identify people in an old photograph, let your child point out what they notice or choose a favorite picture.
Music works especially well because nobody has to explain much. Put on a song and listen. If Grandma sings, wonderful. If your child dances, even better.
Pay attention to when your parent has the most energy.
Timing deserves more credit than it gets. If your parent is usually tired by late afternoon, waiting until after a long holiday dinner to encourage time with the grandchildren probably won’t produce anyone’s best work.
Look for a quieter part of the day. Maybe the kids visit with Grandpa shortly after they arrive, before the house gets crowded. Perhaps Grandma decorates cookies with them in the morning and rests later while everyone else carries on.
You can work around your parent instead of expecting them to keep up with the gathering.
The same goes for your children. If they’re tired, hungry, or desperate to run outside with their cousins, save the activity for later. Nobody benefits from forcing togetherness because this was the designated Grandparent Interaction Hour.
Your parent and children don’t have to spend the holidays the way they did before dementia. What they need is a comfortable way to know each other now. Give them a reason to come together, take some of the pressure out of the interaction, and then let them take it from there.
Make More Room for the Parts You Enjoy
Holiday gatherings already come with plenty to manage, and caring for a parent with dementia adds more to your list. Commonwise Home Care can help with personal care, meal preparation, transportation, companionship, and other needs at home so you aren’t responsible for every detail yourself.
Call Commonwise Home Care at 833-888-3633 and tell us where you could use some help this holiday season in Hampton Roads, Central Virginia, the Shenandoah Valley, coastal South Carolina, or the surrounding areas. We’ll help with the caregiving so you have more time to enjoy having everyone together.